Spilt Scotch
by Stratusfied247
Summary: A conversation between AJ and Emily after the meat locker.


**A/N: AJ is played by Sean Kanan. Emily is played by Amber Tamblyn.**

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><p>"Don't do it, AJ."<p>

He twisted the glass on the bar; half a turn right, half a turn left, back and forth, stop, then start again. The glass had barely two fingers worth of Scotch in it, but he had yet to drink any of it. He had asked for three full fingers, but had stopped the bartender before he could get past the second finger. He had a sudden feeling that this was wrong, a sudden kick from his conscience that said he didn't need that drink. AJ had only somewhat listened to what his conscience had to say. He had stopped the bartender from pouring, but he hadn't told him to take the glass away.

"Is this really want? Because, you know if you take that drink, then he wins."

"He's already won, Em," AJ said. He looked down into the dark liquor and remembered the sensations of drinking; the ice cold against his lips, the liquor smooth on his tongue, then slightly burning in his throat, the warmth in his stomach as it filled his belly.

"You didn't drink, did you?"

"Worse," he said, "I gave up my son." AJ turned from the drink and looked at Emily. She had always been by his side. She was the only one that ever believed him, ever believed **in** him.

"It was an impossible situation," Emily said as she sat down on the stool beside him. She put a hand on his shoulder and AJ looked away from her. "It was an unfair chose and you shouldn't have had to make it."

"Grandfather doesn't think that way." AJ looked into his glass again. "Grandfather could have helped. All he had to do was believe me, and then maybe a judge would have believed me. I didn't want to give up my son."

"I know."

"I could have been a really good father."

"I know."

"I wouldn't have been like Grandfather. I wouldn't have forced Michael to do anything that he didn't want to do. I wouldn't have put that pressure on him," AJ said. "And I wouldn't have been like Dad, either. I wouldn't have just sat by while Grandfather turned my son inside out. I would have been good for Michael, and he'd have been good for me."

"I know, AJ."

He felt bad, unloading all of this on Emily. What could she say, other than her few reassuring words? She had already tried to talk to Grandfather, and it did no good. She had even tried to talk to Jason, and that went even worse.

And that had really made AJ angry. At one time, he and Jason were really getting somewhere. They weren't the brothers they used to be, but they weren't enemies, either. Was Jason really so blindly loyal to Sonny that he didn't see the kind of man that he had handed Michael over to? Or worse, had he already been so corrupted that he didn't care? Even after the accident, Jason had possessed some kind of moral compass. AJ had done a lot of things, but he had never tortured anyone. Was a man who would do what Sonny had done really a better role model? Being with Sonny may have kept Michael away from the bickering and manipulative Quartermaines, but what kinds of things would he learn with Sonny as a father?

"I could have been a good father," AJ said again.

"You'd have been a great father," Emily told him. "You would have protected him, I know you would have."

"Then how could I have failed him already?" AJ rose the glass to take a drink, but lowered it back to the bar a second before the glass touched his lips. He looked at Emily and asked, "Wouldn't it have been better if I had just taken the drink? I'd have still had a shot, ya know?"

"As much as I hate to say it," Emily said, "Grandfather wouldn't have believed you. It makes me so mad, because he should be proud of you. It's like he doesn't realize just how strong you had to be not to drink."

"You know what makes me mad? And like you, I hate it, but it makes me mad that you'll go to Jason and you'll tell him that it's okay that he believes Sonny over me. It's okay that he's helping Sonny and Carly poison my own son against me."

"That's a lie, AJ." Emily sat up straight. Her hand fell away from his shoulder. Her eyes were filled with pain, and that was why AJ hated to say it, and more than that, hated to feel it. He didn't have a right to be mad at Emily. She was the only one that had his side in anything. She was doing her best, but still… Why did everyone always choose Jason?

"It's a lie," she said again, "and you know it. I told Jason that he was wrong, that he shouldn't have kept Michael from you. I also told him that I believe you, that Sonny did those horrible things to him and he was wrong for taking Sonny's side in all of this."

"But, you'll still go see him tomorrow, won't you? You'll still be his sister."

"I'm your sister, too, AJ. But, don't you see that if I take sides, it's completely defeating the purpose? I will back you up as much as I can, but I'm not trying to just back you up. I'm trying to bring the family together."

AJ snorted. "You should have given up on that long ago. If there's one thing the Quartermaines don't do, it's together. We're not a unit, Em. We're all of these pieces, and you and Grandmother are the only ones that keep us together. I don't even know why the two of you even try," he sighed.

"She believes you, ya know," Emily told him.

"Of course, she believes me. She's my grandmother. She believes the best about all of us, even when we don't deserve it." Again, AJ turned his attention to the glass of Scotch. He wanted to drink it, and why shouldn't he? Emily said that Sonny would win, but he had already won, despite what she said. He had Michael, and without Grandfather, there was no way that AJ could get him back.

AJ lifted the glass, then put it back down with a thud. He looked at Emily and said, "You know what? I was good to her. I was good to Carly, and she just… I don't know why she did the things she did, said the things she said. Oh wait, yes, I do. It's because she was just another person who had no faith in me."

"AJ…"

"It's the truth. If she had faith in me, she would have known that I wouldn't let Grandfather treat Michael the way he treated the rest of us. I wouldn't have let him use Michael as a pawn in his games. But, no, she didn't believe that, and it's not like my brother backed me up. Jason could have convinced her to give me a chance long before any of this craziness happened. She wouldn't have had to worry about Tony Jones, because I'd have kept her and Michael safe. All she had to do was give me a chance? Why won't any of them ever give me a chance?"

What was she supposed to say? He shouldn't have expected Emily to speak for everyone. How could she, when she was so different? She tried to see the good in people. She tried to help everyone. Emily was a caring soul, so different from the people of Port Charles. She was too good for him, too good for this town. He hoped she got out before it corrupted her. Emily deserved so much better than all of this. And AJ deserved, well, he supposed he deserved exactly what he got.

"They don't want to see the worst in themselves," Emily said. AJ hadn't really expected her to answer. He thought she would just turn away, or change the subject. But, that was Em. She always wanted to help, and she must have thought that an answer would help him, any kind of answer.

Emily said, "Jason has a connection with Sonny, and if he approves of something that Sonny did, then what kind of person does that make him? So, he'd rather believe that you were making it up than to face what Sonny is. And Grandfather, the whole family, really, they know that all of the bad things in you came from them, but to admit that would mean admitting all the things that are wrong with them. They're selfish, AJ, and in their selfishness, they hurt you. I'm so sorry for that. If I could change it, I would, you know that. I'm working on it, but they're just so stubborn."

"Tell me about it," he said with a snort. "Where do you think I got it from?"

"You're better than them, though," Emily told him. "You admit that there are things wrong, and you try to fix them. You may not always succeed—"

"Ya think?"

"—but you try." She kept talking as though he had said nothing. "You have given all of yourself, and they've given nothing back. It hurts, I know that, but I'm here for you. That's all I can really do, ya know? I can be here to tell you that you don't really want that drink."

"Oh, I want it, Em. Believe me, I want it."

"Then, I'll tell you that you don't need it. You're a stronger man than you think you are."

AJ looked down into the glass and sighed. Alcohol was all that he'd had for so long. Emily tried so hard to replace it. Jason used to try to replace it. They both seemed to think that if he had something else, he wouldn't need the liquor. Maybe they were right. But, what was there for AJ to have? He thought that he could have quit drinking for Michael. In fact, he had quit drinking for Michael. That's why he had signed the papers in that meat locker? AJ knew that if he took that first drink, there would be a second, then a third, and a fourth, and soon, he'd be back there again. He'd drown in the bottle, and then what good would he have been for Michael.

"I was damned either way," he muttered.

"What?"

"I signed the papers instead of drinking, and I lost Michael. I could have drank, but then Sonny and Carly would have just found a way to use that against me in court. Granted, Grandfather would have still fought, just so he could get his hands on Michael, but by then, I'd have been half in the bottle anyway, and I wouldn't have been able to protect him from Grandfather. Either way, I was screwed."

Emily took a deep breath. She reached out and grabbed both of AJ's hands. Her hands were so warm, like they didn't just radiate body heat, but also the sun that shined within her. It was like all of the good in Emily was in her hands and she was trying to pass it on to AJ. His hands were so cold, though, and he didn't know if it would be able to get through.

"You should have never gone through any of that," Emily told him. "It was an impossible choice, one that you shouldn't have had to make. Outside of all of that? You'd have been great. You would have protected Michael against Grandfather, Ned, Sonny, or anyone else you needed to. And, it's not over for you, AJ. You could still get Michael back."

"I signed the papers, Em. That's it for me. I'm done."

"You are not done. There is always hope. We can get you a good lawyer. We can have it thrown out. I'll talk to Nikolas, get him to help us. He has power, money, all of that. He can help us get your son back."

"And, then?"

"What do you mean, and then?"

"I mean, what happens once I have Michael? It'll be a non-stop battle. Sonny's not going to let it go, and neither will Carly. I'll be fighting them forever, plus fighting to keep Grandfather from destroying Michael's life. If I leave him with Sonny, I don't have to worry about that, but I still have to worry that he's in danger." AJ sighed and ran a hand through his somewhat shaggy blonde hair. He needed to cut it, but it seemed so trivial a thing next to everything else. Of course, he couldn't even remember to get his hair cut. How was he going to take care of a child?

AJ shook his head and pulled away from Emily. "Maybe I should just leave town. That's what I'd have to do, anyway, if I got custody of Michael. That would be the only way to keep him safe. And, it would have to be full custody, which no judge in his right mind would give me."

"Don't do that, AJ."

"What?"

"Put yourself down, like you're such a horrible choice for a child."

"I'm not putting myself down," he said, "I'm just speaking the truth. This town does no good for me, Em. I don't want to give up on my son, but haven't I done that already? They still let you see Michael, so he'll have that. Maybe I just need to leave. Maybe I'll do better somewhere else."

Emily shrugged. "Maybe you would," she said, "but I'm selfish. I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to be without you."

"You could come with me."

"You know I can't do that," she said. "Someone has to stop the family from imploding."

That was his Em, always thinking of the family. Maybe if she'd really been theirs, a lot could have been avoided. Of course, if she had been born a Quartermaine, the disdain for the family would have already been in her blood. AJ hated the idea of Emily being like one of them, cold and manipulative, willing to step on anyone, even your own flesh and blood, to get to the top.

"I don't know what to do," AJ said. He stared down into the glass. Once upon a time, he'd have just knocked it back. But now, he thought about it, he considered it, and it was so much harder to bring the glass to his lips.

AJ gave a bitter chuckle as he said, "No use crying over spilt Scotch."

"What?"

He shook his head and turned to Emily. "I spilled a lot of liquor in that meat locker," he said. "There was a time when I would have lapped the spilled whiskey from the floor before I let it go to waste, but in there? I didn't even want it to touch any part of my skin."

"Good for you."

"Good?"

"It's a step in the right direction, AJ." She reached out and took his hands away from the glass. The glass wobbled, the liquor sloshed, and a few drops of Scotch made it out of the glass and onto the bar top. More spilt Scotch.

"I will help you, AJ," Emily said, "any way that I can, but you have to not drink. You have to stay strong for me, for yourself. You can do it. I have faith in you."

"Why, Em?" AJ asked her. "Why do you always have so much faith in me?"

"Because," she said, "it's a lot easier to have faith in you than not to. Besides, if you're not going to have faith in yourself, someone has to have it."

"And that's you, huh?"

"That's right," she told him. Emily smiled at him, one of her big, super smiles that lit up her face and made him forget that he was just thinking about drowning himself in his bar tab. "And one day, you'll have faith in yourself. I know it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I don't plan to stop bugging you until you do." Emily stood up and pulled AJ from the bar stool. "Now, let's get you to a lawyer. Let's get your son back."


End file.
